I should be sponsored by Trojan
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They are going to name an STD after you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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