Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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