apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
