and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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