I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
