I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
