Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
