gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
