My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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