I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
