then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
