Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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