He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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