ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
