I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
