I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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