Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
