So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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