The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
