But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
