I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
