His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
