does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
