just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
