Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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