No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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