I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
