I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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