why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
