just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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