she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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