well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
