Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
