Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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