Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
