She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
