the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
