My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
