I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
