how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
