so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize