Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
