Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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