Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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