Jerry, you need to find god
you would pick up someone in the library
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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