I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
