textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
