why didn't you poke me back
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize