An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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