I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
