I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do vagina's smell?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
