Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
