If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
