i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
