Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
