11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize