I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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