He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
