Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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