Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
