My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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