I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
