I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
