A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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