At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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