I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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