Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize