If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
