I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
