does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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