I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
