Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
