I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
