Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
