Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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