my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
